[ He is too preoccupied with thinking how he is going to tell Bill about what he'd seen to worry too much about her seeing that. Cisco's pretty sure he'd cried when Dante did that, but he'd been a little kid, and of all people Bill doesn't seem like the kind of person who would tease him for it. ]
the doctor was talking to this blue man group looking motherfucker and you were just standing there and he shot you with some kinda laser gun.
[ Had shot a giant, horrible hole right through her that is honestly going to be a mental image that Cisco's not getting rid of any time soon, but he feels like Bill doesn't need to hear that. ]
[ When she gets that text, as soon as Cisco says "blue man group," she knows what he's going to say. That was so long ago. Years ago. Before the years she spent with Mr. Razor-- the Master-- waiting for the Doctor to come to the bottom of the ship. And Cisco saw it. She remembers the hole in her chest, singed at the edges. She remembers falling into blackness.
[ That hole had been so large, and he'd seen her fall - there was no way she could have survived that. But he'd also seen Eddie die right in front of him, and he'd been brought back in this place. So he just assumes that if Bill is around, that's what happened to her, too. ]
when I first arrived here, that hadn't happened to me yet. then I got this canister, that came from the portal. it had my memories of the future in it. so when I opened it, I remembered all these things that happen to me after I came here. like the memory you saw. and the memories that came after.
oh yeah the canister thing i've had a few friends who got those which has got to be extremely weird.
[ Cisco doesn't even know what he'd do, if he got one. But Bill's explanation only raises more questions. ]
i'm not gonna pretend i'm not curious how you survived something like that but i totally get that this is something you might super not wanna talk about if you ever need somebody to talk to tho i'm here for you.
[ A little cheesy? Maybe. But he doesn't care. He'd rather be ten times cheesier than this, than for Bill to feel like she has to suffer alone and there's no one she can talk to about it. ]
[ It means a lot, that Cisco would offer. She hasn't really talked to anyone about her update since she opened the canister with Lucretia. She wasn't sure, at first, how to bring it up.
"Hey, I died and was made into a robot, but now I'm alive and made of water." It sounds fantastical.
But all it takes it telling one person. So she'll try. ]
well. I don't really mind telling the story. if it's you.
[ If she hadn't begun on her own Cisco might have offered to come see her, so they could talk in person, but he also knows that sometimes these sorts of things are easier to talk about at a distance. There's a lot you can cover up in a text conversation, and sometimes that cover is a blessing. ]
[ It figures. Not everyone is from the same world. Not everyone has had cybermen in their history. ]
it's sort of like a robot. but a robot that used to be human. you take a human, replace their body with machine parts. and then, after, they're in too much pain so you take away their ability to feel emotion, too.
that's a cyberman.
after... what you saw after I was shot they replaced the part of me that was missing with machine parts. I had this big hulking box in my chest, hooked up to an IV of special fluid. I couldn't leave the hospital or the machine parts would start to fail. so I had to be "upgraded."
[ She hopes he can see where she's going with this. ]
[ It's the kind of thing that would make for a really cool and compelling story, if it were in a movie. Cisco's seen an awful lot of movies, like that. But when it's a story that a friend is telling about something that really happened to her? Very very far from cool. ]
so they found an excuse to replace more and more of you, and brainwash you or whatever?
[ The idea that someone could just... take away a person's ability to feel emotion is pretty next-level horrifying. ]
where was the doctor for all this?
[ Why hadn't he saved her? He'd been right there when she was shot... ]
only the brainwashing didn't quite work all the way, for me. I was still me, I still felt emotions. I was just trapped in a cyberman's body.
the Doctor... he was too late.
[ He tried, Bill knows he did, but it had been so frustrating him watching him move a centimetre a day and take years to get to the elevators. ]
the ship we were in, it was hundreds of miles long, and parked next to a black hole. time passed more slowly the closer you got to the black hole, and more quickly the farther away you were. the Doctor was at the top of the ship, I was at the bottom. what was minutes for him was years for me.
[ Maybe there was some comfort, after the fact, in knowing that they hadn't managed to take that one thing from her. Or maybe it had been awful enough she wished she'd been numb the whole time. Cisco doesn't feel like he should ask. ]
...that's some interstellar bullshit. bill, i'm so so sorry. but you held on until he got to you? that's incredible. i can't imagine how hard that must've been how long was it?
[ Cisco isn't really on board with Bill trying to brush off ten years of probably total agony as nothing, but he isn't going to push for now, because he'd intruded on all this and he knows that with some of his own shit, trivializing it for a while had been a vital coping mechanism.
So he waits, and reads the rest of the story. And he can see why Bill might have needed to talk about this. ]
ok first of all, go heather.
second of all, i don't understand what that means, 'not human anymore' what happened? how did she fix you?
well Heather... isn't human anymore either. when I first met her, she was. she was a student at the university where the Doctor taught. we met at a club in town, then again on campus the next day. then something happened, and... well.. human Heather died, but a new Heather came, who was made out of sentient jet fuel? she looked just like Heather, like a reflection of her, except all... dripping and wet.
we said goodbye, but she left a tear drop on me so she could find me again, and that's how she found me.
she saved me by making me like her. a liquid reflection of who I used to be.
[ Well that's all fairly strange. But then again, fairly strange has been fairly regular in Cisco's life for a while, now. ]
sentient jet fuel? i'm not gonna lie i don't even get how that's even possible or how human memories and consciousness could get transferred into a sentient liquid even if it existed but just bc i don't get the science behind it doesn't mean i don't believe you.
the human body is mostly liquid anyway. do you feel different? do you still need to eat and sleep and all that?
hmmm we can't have that. if you wanted i could run a coupe of tests and see if can come up with some tech that'll help prevent 'leaking' might not be able to but never hurts to try? unless you're not into the whole lab thing which i totally get
well, no reason you have to find out if you don't want to i'm glad that you're okay. whatever okay means. i'm glad that you're around anyway.
i bet i could, yeah may take a little while but i've made weirder.
i mean it was horrible obviously no one likes seeing their friend get shot but you don't gotta apologize. not your fault it happened or that i saw it. okay?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ He is too preoccupied with thinking how he is going to tell Bill about what he'd seen to worry too much about her seeing that. Cisco's pretty sure he'd cried when Dante did that, but he'd been a little kid, and of all people Bill doesn't seem like the kind of person who would tease him for it. ]
the doctor was talking to this blue man group looking motherfucker
and you were just standing there
and he shot you with some kinda laser gun.
[ Had shot a giant, horrible hole right through her that is honestly going to be a mental image that Cisco's not getting rid of any time soon, but he feels like Bill doesn't need to hear that. ]
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It still hurts. ]
oh. that.
...
I got better.
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[ That hole had been so large, and he'd seen her fall - there was no way she could have survived that. But he'd also seen Eddie die right in front of him, and he'd been brought back in this place. So he just assumes that if Bill is around, that's what happened to her, too. ]
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[ How does she explain this? ]
when I first arrived here, that hadn't happened to me yet.
then I got this canister, that came from the portal.
it had my memories of the future in it.
so when I opened it, I remembered all these things that happen to me after I came here.
like the memory you saw.
and the memories that came after.
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i've had a few friends who got those
which has got to be extremely weird.
[ Cisco doesn't even know what he'd do, if he got one. But Bill's explanation only raises more questions. ]
i'm not gonna pretend i'm not curious how you survived something like that
but i totally get that this is something you might super not wanna talk about
if you ever need somebody to talk to tho
i'm here for you.
[ A little cheesy? Maybe. But he doesn't care. He'd rather be ten times cheesier than this, than for Bill to feel like she has to suffer alone and there's no one she can talk to about it. ]
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"Hey, I died and was made into a robot, but now I'm alive and made of water." It sounds fantastical.
But all it takes it telling one person. So she'll try. ]
well. I don't really mind telling the story.
if it's you.
have you ever heard of a cyberman?
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no, i haven't.
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it's sort of like a robot. but a robot that used to be human.
you take a human, replace their body with machine parts.
and then, after, they're in too much pain
so you take away their ability to feel emotion, too.
that's a cyberman.
after... what you saw
after I was shot
they replaced the part of me that was missing with machine parts.
I had this big hulking box in my chest, hooked up to an IV of special fluid.
I couldn't leave the hospital or the machine parts would start to fail.
so I had to be "upgraded."
[ She hopes he can see where she's going with this. ]
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[ It's the kind of thing that would make for a really cool and compelling story, if it were in a movie. Cisco's seen an awful lot of movies, like that. But when it's a story that a friend is telling about something that really happened to her? Very very far from cool. ]
so they found an excuse to replace more and more of you, and brainwash you or whatever?
[ The idea that someone could just... take away a person's ability to feel emotion is pretty next-level horrifying. ]
where was the doctor for all this?
[ Why hadn't he saved her? He'd been right there when she was shot... ]
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I was still me, I still felt emotions.
I was just trapped in a cyberman's body.
the Doctor...
he was too late.
[ He tried, Bill knows he did, but it had been so frustrating him watching him move a centimetre a day and take years to get to the elevators. ]
the ship we were in, it was hundreds of miles long, and parked next to a black hole.
time passed more slowly the closer you got to the black hole, and more quickly the farther away you were.
the Doctor was at the top of the ship, I was at the bottom.
what was minutes for him was years for me.
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[ Maybe there was some comfort, after the fact, in knowing that they hadn't managed to take that one thing from her. Or maybe it had been awful enough she wished she'd been numb the whole time. Cisco doesn't feel like he should ask. ]
...that's some interstellar bullshit.
bill, i'm so so sorry.
but you held on until he got to you? that's incredible. i can't imagine how hard that must've been
how long was it?
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it was hard to keep track.
[ But yes, she'd held on, because she knew the Doctor was coming. ]
anyway, that's not the point.
the point is, the Doctor came and we escaped, and we fought off the rest of the cybermen.
I nearly died. the Doctor, he
[ He's certainly looked dead, when they'd brought him back to the TARDIS. Bill still had hope, however. ]
I was saved. this girl, Heather... she came back for me and made me whole again.
[ This is where the hard part comes in. ]
I'm not a cyberman anymore, but...
I'm not human anymore either.
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So he waits, and reads the rest of the story. And he can see why Bill might have needed to talk about this. ]
ok first of all, go heather.
second of all, i don't understand what that means, 'not human anymore'
what happened? how did she fix you?
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when I first met her, she was. she was a student at the university where the Doctor taught.
we met at a club in town, then again on campus the next day.
then something happened, and... well..
human Heather died, but a new Heather came, who was made out of sentient jet fuel?
she looked just like Heather, like a reflection of her, except all... dripping and wet.
we said goodbye, but she left a tear drop on me so she could find me again, and that's how she found me.
she saved me by making me like her. a liquid reflection of who I used to be.
no subject
sentient jet fuel?
i'm not gonna lie i don't even get how that's even possible
or how human memories and consciousness could get transferred into a sentient liquid even if it existed
but just bc i don't get the science behind it doesn't mean i don't believe you.
the human body is mostly liquid anyway.
do you feel different?
do you still need to eat and sleep and all that?
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it's mad, really.
I feel the same, only sometimes if I'm not careful, I sort of... leak?
start dripping.
I still eat because I want to and sleep because I want to.
I don't know if I could go without or not.
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we can't have that.
if you wanted i could run a coupe of tests and see if can come up with some tech that'll help prevent 'leaking'
might not be able to but never hurts to try?
unless you're not into the whole lab thing which i totally get
well, no reason you have to find out if you don't want to
i'm glad that you're okay.
whatever okay means.
i'm glad that you're around anyway.
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thank you, Cisco.
I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sure it wasn't the most comfortable thing to watch.
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may take a little while but i've made weirder.
i mean it was horrible obviously
no one likes seeing their friend get shot
but you don't gotta apologize. not your fault it happened or that i saw it.
okay?